Day 7 and 8: Anxious But Grateful!

Well, it's that time again, as it is every day, to list what I am grateful for over the past two days.  So here it goes:

1. The first thing I was grateful for yesterday was waking up next to my fiance.  Like I have said previously (I believe) we currently don't live together, but he does spend the night a couple of times a week.  Tuesday is one of those nights and I was thankful to wake up next to him in the morning and be able to cuddle and relax in his arms.  It's a luxury that I don't take for granted.
2. The second thing I was grateful for yesterday was spending time with my grandfather.  I had to take him to the VA Hospital for a clinic appointment so before we left, we went out to breakfast.  I don't take for granted the time I spend with my family, especially my grandpa.  It was an enjoyable breakfast (I had a healthy wrap--yummy!) and the company I kept (my grandpa and fiance).
3. The third thing I was grateful for yesterday was the kind doctor who examined my grandpa yesterday.  He is not the most patient person in the world (he's a grumpy old man and Italian to boot) so sometimes he is rough around the edges.  However, she was sweet and funny and took his attitude in stride (and he was actually well behaved and not too nasty).
4. The fourth thing I was grateful for yesterday was my day off of work!  Because I am working an extra day next week (I will be working 6 days) that means yesterday was my last day off until the following Wednesday.  It's tough working that many days straight (although when I worked two jobs I worked many more days in a row); however, I know I am helping out my coworkers and my paycheck will be extra nice the following week! :)
5. The fifth thing I was grateful for yesterday was being able to catch up on my shows!  I don't watch a lot of television shows (because I work and am doing other things); however, there are a select few that I watch.  I was able to catch up on Witches of East End and True Blood (two of my faves!) while eating dinner in and spending time with mom and fiance.  I enjoy spending days in and just relaxing.  My body and mind really appreciated it.

Now on to my gratefulness of today:

1. The first thing I was grateful for today was being able to catch up on some work.  Thursday is our price change day at my store, and sometimes we have a TON of tags to change.  Today was a slower day with not many tags so I was able to allow my back-up to take care of starting the tags, while I got to organize and take care of some catch up work which makes me feel less stressed finishing out the week.
2. The second thing I was grateful for today was my mom going to the hospital.  While I'm still worried about her and her health, I am happy she kept her promise to me and my sister that if the pain in her side got any worse she would go.  While I'm upset her pain got worse, I am thankful she stopped being stubborn and went to get help.  We are currently in the ER (thank you C. Hospital for having free WiFi!) and her CAT scan and blood work came back fine.  We are now waiting on an ultrasound to try and figure out where the pain is coming from.
3. The third thing I am grateful for today is the fact that my sister called to tell me she was taking my mom to the hospital.  Sometimes my family has a tendency not to tell each other when someone's in the hospital (unless it's an emergency) so I was happy she kept me in the loop and let me know as they were driving there.
4. The fourth thing I am grateful for today was my boss's understanding at the situation.  Because I am a scan coordinator and Thursday is a major scan day, I was worried she might be a bit hesitant to let me leave.  However, she let me go immediately and told me to keep her posted on how my mom was doing.  I am also thankful for my coworkers on my scan team for stepping up to get work done in my absence.
5. The fifth thing I am grateful for today was a visit from a butterfly.  I am worried about her because she has a tear in both of her wings, I placed her on the flowers in front of my house and gave her some very diluted sugar water (as per a butterfly rescue site I found) to have if she needed it.  I hope she is able to regain some strength and heal her wing so that she is able to continue on.  For now, I will continue to care for her until she no longer needs it.  She was a beautiful site to see, especially in the middle of my anxiety about my mom!

   

   The beautiful butterfly that graces me with her presence!

So until tomorrow, sweet dreams!

Day 4 and 5 and 6: Busy, Busy, Busy!

Well!  I know I am super behind, but I promise I have been keeping track of what I've been grateful for over the past couple of days.  They have been super long and super busy but totally worth it!  So without further ado, the five things I was grateful for on Sunday...

1. The first thing I was grateful for on Sunday was my best frand's sister, Jillian.  She co-directs a youth theater program with my friend and they do a Broadway day in the City (that's New York City for all you non-Jersey people) with the kids.  They had an extra ticket, so she invited me to go with them.  Not only did I have a great time enjoying the City (the second time in a week), but I got to see an awesome show and eat some great food with AWESOME people.
2. The second thing I was grateful for on Sunday was the Broadway show we got to see.  We went to see Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella.  While I can't say it was the best show I have ever seen, I enjoyed it a lot and I really like the message that it seemed to deliver.  I liked that fact that despite her abuse, Cinderella was a strong character from the get-go.  I was excited to see that they had this shirt for sale and I had to get it!  I plan on wearing it to remind me that I may not be where I want to be at that moment, but as long as I continue trying and trusting in Spirit I can be whatever I want to be.



"I can be whatever I want to be."

3. The third thing I was thankful for on Sunday was the pretty tiara I also bought at the Cinderella show.  My fiance had given me some money to get a drink (however, I found out that our dinner was included in amount I had to pay) so I decided to treat myself at the gift counter.  I got it to remind myself that even when I feel like crap, look like crap, or just am feeling depressed, I can put on that princess crown and feel silly, beautiful, and royal.

   

   Princess Rachel!

4. The fourth thing I was grateful for on Sunday was the spontaneous singing that happened on the bus.  I mean, realistically I knew it was going to happen (I was on a bus of musical theater kids), but to hear the talent in these children was amazing.  Not only are they incredible singers, but they are incredibly proud of their gifts and I am honored that I got to be a part of it.  I also loved that they began singing songs from the movie Frozen so I got to sing along as well (even though I have a terrible voice)!
5. The fifth thing I was grateful for on Sunday was the bus driver.  He trekked us all into the City...on a Sunday...while they were having a big street fair...and got us there and back safely.  It was a smooth trip and I know my friend's sister (Jillian) had nightmares the night before and didn't sleep well.  I am thankful she had nothing to worry about and that we had a great, safe trip to and from NYC.

Now it's time to talk about what I was grateful for yesterday:

1. The first thing I was grateful for was my alarm not going off.  Granted, this caused me to be late for work, and I only get a few extra minutes of sleep (like 30-45 minutes), but I was so exhausted from the day before (spending all day in the City and doing lots of walking) that it was much needed.  My body was extremely thankful for it, and my productivity at work was actually much better than it would have been had I been on time.
2. The second thing I was grateful for was my reset team at work.  I'm a scan coordinator at a grocery store and every Monday, we have a team come in to do resets of products.  We've had our share of some laxidasical teams that didn't really care what they were doing, but I am so thankful for the two main women on my team that make my job run so much smoother!  
3. The third thing I was grateful for yesterday was my neighbor helping me remove the paint from my $2 garage sale table.  I had tried to sand it initially but we thought it would be a better idea to try and remove the paint.  Well the paint remover was LETHAL and burned so badly when it came in contact with the skin; however, despite the pain, she kept working on it with me and we got it done.
4. The fourth think I was grateful for yesterday was soap!  When the pain was so bad from the paint remover, the only thing that would relieve it was cool water, but what really took the sting out was the soap!  I was so thankful we had it to heal our burns!
5. The fifth thing I was grateful yesterday was being able to see my friend, Nikki!  We hadn't seen each other in a long time.  Nikki had to deal with some health issues and she is one of the most resilient and strong friends I know.  With the help of a doctor who finally helped her, she was able to begin to heal herself.  We went out and got a bite to eat and ended up talking for hours, catching up!  It was a wonderful time and I'm thankful I was able to reconnect with her (as well as the fact that she is feeling so much better!).

I was going to write today's gratitude blog as a separate post; however, it's getting late (once again) so I figured I might as well condense it all into one.  So, here are the things I was grateful for today:

1. The first thing I was grateful for today was having a later work day (I started at 9:30am which means I had to leave at 8:30am); however, that's a "late" day for me.  After two very long, but fun, days, it was nice to get some extra sleep!  I am thankful that my schedule allowed me to go in a bit later to recoup.  Furthermore, it was a fairly easy day at work and I actually had some help so it took a bit of the stress off of me, which I was extremely thankful for!
2. The second thing I was grateful for today was my mom.  She was very sick and not feeling well today--she has been sick since Sunday and I really would have preferred her to go to the hospital, but she went to see a nurse practitioner instead (who put her on bed rest and told her to up her intake of fluids).  While she is still ill and I am hoping that she feels better after a good night's sleep, I am reminded how thankful I am to have her in my life and how much I love her and how much she does for me on a regular basis.

   

   My mom and me at a baby shower a couple weeks ago.

3. The third thing I am thankful for is my cat, Maui.  She hasn't been feeling well lately (she has an autoimmune disease and I have to go pick up her injection) so she has been a bit distant from me.  But today, she decided to wanted some pets and was very sweet and cuddly towards me.  I love my fur baby and I am thankful that she opted to be affectionate today, especially because I have been so worried about my mom.

   

   This is my fur baby, Maui Pineapple.

4. The fourth thing I was grateful for today was my little sister, Sami.  Even though we live in the same house, I haven't seen her for any extended period of time for a couple weeks.  Usually, I go to trivia with my fiance and his friends on Tuesdays, but because my mom wasn't feeling well I opted to stay home in case she needed something.  Anyway, my sister was home as well so we spent the whole night watching silly videos of her and her friends, having dinner together, and just hanging out.  I am thankful for the time we got to spend together, especially because we haven't in a while.

   

   My sister and I before her prom.  Isn't she beautiful?!

5. The fifth thing I was grateful for today was my willingness to be silly!  Like I said earlier in my post, one thing I was grateful for on Sunday was the tiara I bought when I went to go see Cinderella on Broadway.  Well, my sister decided she wanted Chinese food for dinner, so when we went to pick it up, I opted to wear my tiara out to the restaurant to getthe food.  While my sister was mortified, I couldn't help but laugh.  After all, if I could make at least one person smile because of my antics, than I would consider my night a success!

   

   My shirt says:  "Believe.  Achieve.  SPARKLE!"--so I did!

I'm sorry I had to cram three days into one, but there you go!

So until next time, sweet dreams!

Day 2 and 3: Catching Up

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to write a full blown blog post last night about what I was grateful for (I had to be at work at 5:30am and then didn't  get home until after 1am!) because I was so exhausted!  I did make sure to message my dear friend, Jodi, with what I was grateful for yesterday.  Even though I could have left it at that I wanted to expand, so I could remember that day, remember those moments.  So here are the five things I was grateful for yesterday:

1. The first thing I was grateful for yesterday was the game Cards Against Humanity.  In case you aren't familiar with it, it's pretty much the game Apples to Apples but X-Rated...I mean it's pretty sick and twisted but can be soooo amusing.  Anyway, I played with my best frand (and yes, I spelled that correctly) and his family.  Although it turned into a very late night, which I was not expecting, I laughed harder than I had in a long time.  Even though I was exhausted and wanted to go home and go to bed, this hysterical game kept me going through my tiredness and it did a lot of good for me!
2. The second thing I was grateful for yesterday was the impromptu nature walk I went on.  I was originally supposed to meet my best frand at his house around 7:30 but he had a meeting; instead of heading home, I went to a reservation and look an almost hour long walk while I waited for him to get home.  It was so relaxing and calming; it completely uplifted my mood and made me feel at peace.  This is also one of the places I feel completely connected with Spirit, so it was wonderful.  It was twilight so there weren't a lot of people there but a lot of critters were out to keep me company.  Here are a few pictures from my walk:

   

   Without realizing it, I had worn a green top to blend in with the trees!

   
   
   
   

   

   I found this magical stream!

   
   

   
   

   
   

   

   A close up shot of the water.

   
   

   

   Down by the lake I saw a family of geese!

   
   

   

   I also saw some deer--I was so excited!

   
   

   

   Another shot of the deer.  His companion was off the side also enjoying some food.

   
   

   

   I can't help it, I love deer!

   
   

   

   Last deer picture, I promise!

   
   

   

   Some lovely wildflowers!

   
   

   

   I think wildflowers are so gorgeous!

   
   

   

   I decided to take the road less traveled!

   
   

   

   Deep in the 100 acre wood...

   
   

   

   I love how the setting sun is captured in the water.

   
   

   

   The white specks in the water are actually a bunch of swans!

   
   

   

   I love walking around the lake!

3. The third thing I was grateful for yesterday was the new crystals that I bought!  I have always felt completely drawn to crystals and I sometimes get this overwhelming feeling that I am meant to get some new babies (as I affectionately call them).  I found some amazing pieces.  I got an amethyst, even though I already have several pieces, because it just called to me.  I also got a lapis lazuli (in which I saw numbers and runes), a geode, a blue onyx, labradorite, and clear quartz crystal point for a friend of mine.  Here is a picture of them (minus the clear quartz):

   

   From front to back:
   Geode, lapis lazuli, blue onyx, amethyst, and labradorite.

4. The fourth thing I was grateful for yesterday was the few rocks and stones the Goddess gifted me with while on my nature walk, as well as a beautiful feather.  I was thankful I found the stones by the stream and was able to cleanse them in the water.  It was magical experience and I truly felt connected to Spirit in those moments.

   

   Here are the stones I found by the stream.

   
   

   

   The gorgeous feather that I found while I was walking back to my car.

5. The fifth thing I was grateful for yesterday was my companionship with my neighbor.  While she is older than me, she is new to this new age stuff.  While she has always been spiritual, her third eye was recently blown open and she began seeing things.  She tested the waters with me and I shared with her my own personal experiences and we discovered we both have an affinity for stones and crystals.  Now we talk every day about our experiences and show off our new babies.  While I have always been thankful for our friendship, we are now connected on a deeper, spiritual level and I am thankful for that.

So, now that I shared with you what I was grateful for yesterday, let's move on to what I am grateful for today.

1. The first thing I am grateful for today is my patience.  Even though this situation took place yesterday, I was still irritated about it today.  I was having issues with a coworker yesterday who was speaking to me disrespectfully and treating me like an idiot.  I try not to let those things bother me, especially from this specific coworker because she does this often, but I took great offense to it yesterday because it felt like she was criticizing every single thing I was doing and taking control of my department.  Even though I was close to snapping at her, I stepped away, took a deep breath, and let my anger go.  I am thankful that I didn't say something out of anger and that I kept my frustration in check.
2. The second thing I am grateful for today is the $2 side table I found at a garage sale.  It was painted this ugly dark brown and it is missing the drawer, but I've decided to restore it (stripping the paint) and repaint it to use a working altar for my room.  Even though I recently got a beautiful altar, I want a table I can do physical work on.  I am thankful the Goddess led me down that street today and allowed me to find a beautiful piece to add to my practice.
3. The third thing I am grateful for today is my best frand and his family.  We have only been friends for a couple years now but we are truly the same exact person.  He helped expose me to the world of magic and has taught me more than he probably knows.  I am thankful for his quirkiness and his humor that cracks me up continuously.  I am also thankful for his family who welcomed me with open arms and consider me a part of their family.  This friendship has truly shown me that it doesn't matter how long you've been friends with someone, but rather who is there for you when times get tough and who stays through the rough water.
4. The fourth thing I am grateful for today is the yogurt shop my sister works in.  Not only is it a delicious treat (especially in the summer time), but also because it is super healthy.  There is no fake stuff in their yogurt which makes it even more enjoyable!  It also doesn't hurt that my sister is an assistant manager there so she comps me yogurt and smoothies and frozen coffee all the time!  I am thankful I get to enjoy that sweet treat that makes me feel like I am indulging but not feel all that guilty about it!
5. The fifth thing I am grateful for today is my fiance's calming touch.  I am naturally an anxious person and am usually fidgeting or bouncing my leg without realizing I'm doing so, and he will just naturally start stroking my hair or rubbing my back which immediately calms me.  He has a tendency to realize I am anxious before I even know.  The way he pays attention to my body language to know when I need some relaxation is not only completely comforting, but also something I am extremely thankful for.

I am sorry if there are typos in this post.  It's nearly midnight and I have to get up early so I cannot even go back to proofread.  As an English major with a concentration in creative writing and a touch of OCD this bothers me greatly, but I am beginning to understand that I have to listen to my whole body and not just my brain and when it says I'm tired and need rest, I need to listen.

So until tomorrow, sweet dreams.

**UPDATE**  I went back to proofread this blog post and fixed all the grammatical errors (that I could see).  While I cringed at some of the stuff I wrote, it wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting it to be.

Day 1: A New Beginning

I had been thinking about starting a gratitude journal many months ago.  It was something I had heard of people doing and thought that it would be a good idea to start the practice myself.  However, like most things, it fell to the back of my mind as work got more stressful, day to day demands had to be taken care of, the need to spend time with family and friends, and every other excuse I could come up with.  Needless to say, the grand idea of starting a gratitude journal disappeared from me mind and I didn't think on it for a long while.

Then just today while talking with a friend, she suggested that her Angels were guiding her to share an exercise with me and asked if I would be interested in hearing about it.  Well of course I was!  Can you imagine my amusement went she brought up keeping a gratitude journal and writing five things down every night?  She told me, (and I agree!) that it was my Guides nudging me to pick up this project and stick with it.

So here is goes...

1. The first thing I am grateful for tonight is my friend, Jodi.  While we haven't known each other long, honestly it's probably only been a week, I swear I have known her for years.  I feel so comfortable talking to her and feel like we connect on a soulful level.  Her kind and supporting words are refreshing to me as I often hear negative talk thrown at me all day.  I am thankful that we were able to connect and can only hope that our friendship continues to blossom.  I am grateful that her Angels suggested I keep this gratitude journal, and I am thankful she shared that with me.  Like I said, I do believe it was my Guides as well as hers working in conjunction to get me to do this.
2. The second thing I am grateful for tonight is the fact that I didn't hit the baby deer that jumped out in the middle of the road on my way home from work.  Unfortunately, Thursdays I leave work anywhere between 8-8:30pm which in the summer is twilight and prime deer time.  As I was driving on the very windy road where my store is located, I saw a fawn start to dart from the side of the road.  I slammed on my breaks and thankfully, the fawn ran back into the field.  I am beyond thankful that despite it being a big scare for the two of us, we are both okay.
3. The third thing I am grateful for tonight is my fiance's cologne.  That probably sounds really silly, but due to finances, my fiance and I continue to live at our respective homes which means we are not living together.  In fact, I only get to see him a few times a week due to work and then he spends a couple of nights over at my house.  He started bringing his cologne over and spraying it on my pillows so that way, while I'm going to sleep, I can still smell him and feel like he's still with me (physically), even if he's not.  It brings me lots of comfort, especially if I've had a bad day at work.
4. The fourth thing I am grateful for tonight is stretching.  I took dance classes from the time I was two all the way until high school.  I actually forgot how goooooood it feels!  I went into New York City with my fiance yesterday and did a lot of walking.  I was very sore while at work but decided to do some lunges and, oh!, I felt so much better!  I am going to make a commitment to myself to do stretching everyday!  Eventually, I would like to begin practicing yoga.
5. The last thing I am grateful for tonight is my courage, no matter how small it may be.  I was led by Spirit to participate in the David Yohn Memorial Scholarship offered by the Flora Sage Institute for the Psychic Development program.  Basically, we had to make a 2-4 minute video explaining different things.  I stepped out of my comfort zone and made a video along with 16 other people.  There were lots of ties and ultimately the full scholarship was granted to two people...and I was not one of them.  I was actually very confident in my application and thought I stood a good chance of winning.  I would be lying if I said I didn't cry when I found out I had lost.  There are many personal, emotional, and spiritual reasons why I felt guided to take this program and my heart sank when I found out I wouldn't be able to.  It still stings a bit, I'm not going to lie, and there if part of me, my negative voice, that mocks me for even trying; telling me I should have known I would lose and I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up.  Yet, there is a part of me, a very quiet, soft voice, that says it wasn't a waste to try.  That it showed confidence to be able to share what I did for others to see.  So I am grateful for that courage, no matter how minuscule it is.

So until tomorrow, sweet dreams.